through cloud and sunshine.

I love/hate the ways God chooses to show me my sin and my need for Him but boy, do I need the reminder. He always does it so completely and then I'm left standing in awe of His love and mercy and faithfulness. I don't know why He would choose a fickle sinner such as me, but I'm glad He did.


I caught myself falling into sin again. And then He tore me right from the midst of it. He lent me His strength. I literally felt His strength wash over me. He saves me from my sin every day, no matter how many times I turn my back on Him. Tonight, this is my prayer: 

1. Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
   The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide;
   When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
   Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

1. I need Thy presence every passing hour;
   What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s pow’r?
   Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
   Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.
2. I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
   Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness;
   Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
   I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.
3. Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
   Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies;
   Heav’n’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
   In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

today.

You know how my posts are always really long? I'm hoping this is a short one. I just need to vent a little bit.

OH MY GOOD GOLLY GRACIOUS. I'm so frustrated. I've been trying to find a roommate for next year and this is just killing me. Every time I find one and we talk a for awhile and I think, "yep, this could work" I bring up rooming together and they say "whoops, sorry. already got one." RAHHHH


Maybe I really am just supposed to go potluck for next year.. I'm getting exhausted with all this searching. I'm just about to give up. Actually, I think I will. I'm just so tired of this endless searching. You know what, I talked about this before. You know.. leaving things in God's hands instead of my own? Sigh. I guess I'll give up. Man, giving up is hard. 


If you ever catch me looking for a roommate again, stop me. Seriously.

Besides all that,
I got to see my good pals Schaeffer and Molly today!! They literally drove 3 hours just to have lunch with me. How great are they, right? I had a blast. It's so refreshing to hang out with them. They're like a tall glass of water. Schaeffer worked with me last summer at Riflery & Archery and we became close pals. I even persuaded him to ride a horse for the first time. And we went to Sonic every Thursday. And Molly is his INCREDIBLE girlfriend who also worked at TL but at Waterfront/Pool. She's so cool.

This is the first picture I took of me and Schaeffer. It was on the first day I met him. He had come up to me that day in the dining hall when I showed up to staff training week 2 days later than everyone else and said, "Hey! I'm Schaeffer. I'm working with you. I keep hearing how cool you are." We were best friends right then. It was destiny.

Schaeffer was probably dealing with some out of line children. Or Sharkbait. Same thing.
(just kidding, Sharkbait. We love you.)

Speaking of Sharkbait, there he is.... being his usual Sharkbait self. You'd never believe it, but this guy shot a salamander right in half with a bow and arrow once. True story. We got in a lot of trouble for that... but it was so worth it.

Nextly, if you haven't yet, please pray for everything happening in Japan. The Lavallee's are over there.. and so is Sonny Sweatt. Pray for safety. And mercy. Definitely mercy. 1000 are confirmed dead and 10,000 still missing. Please, please keep praying.

I leave for California tomorrow. I'll be studying for the Anatomy & Physiology ABC test all the way there. I don't know why Mr. McCartney picked me to take it.. I bet he did because he knew I'd freak out about it. And I sure am.

Please be safe on spring break, folks. You guys are in my prayers.     
(was that a short post? NO. Fail, again).

   O to grace how great a debtor 
 daily I'm constrained to be! 
 Let thy goodness, like a fetter, 
 bind my wandering heart to thee. 
 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
 prone to leave the God I love; 
 here's my heart, O take and seal it, 
 seal it for thy courts above.

haphazard.

I've started 3 drafts on this one post, and I just keep giving up because it's leading absolutely no where. So I'm thinking this post is going to end up being about things that have happened lately, and nothing real heavy. I can already tell, this post is going to make ZERO sense. But just go with it anyways.

(AW MAN. I just got super distracted and lost my train of thought. Now I don't remember where I was going with any of this. Sorry.)

"It's like marrow without bone

to live in a house with no home."

Those lyrics from Horse Feathers seem to resonate with me a little sometimes.

These past few weeks I've heard an awful lot of about opening and closing doors. I think it's part of being a senior with all the decisions and such, you know. College, future careers, summer plans, etc. 

One of my good pals was given an answer to her fervent prayers - where should she go to college? And in His perfect timing, He closed a door and left one wide open. Thank goodness for such a loving God that cares and is actively involved in our lives! That's just so refreshing to me. 

And I think that happened to me, too. For a long long time I was struggling with what to do with this summer before college. Camp for my third summer, summer school to get ahead, long mission trip to Japan, traveling, spending the time at home to get refreshed before college (time. out. I'm really going to college soon? whew. about time. it doesn't seem real). I prayed about this a little, but not as much as I should have. I never pray about things as much as I should... I just think I can figure things out on my own and that my plans are what's best. I have a real hard time just giving up things to God. Until my own plans lead me into really horrible places and then I repent and I'm forgiven, and well, you know that spiel. 

But anyways, back on track. I still didn't have any for sure summer plans. I was set in my mind to go to summer school, but I REALLY didn't want to. And I realized that hey, I didn't even have to. It was by no means necessary, I was just going to get ahead. And for the past months I've really been missing camp.. I haven't been there hosting due to forces beyond my control and I just miss it. Camp really is my favorite place on earth. And then I started thinking about what I'd like to do and what would be most beneficial to me the summer before I leave. And I realized that God has left that Twin Lakes door wide open for me. And he's been preparing my heart for it. Now I was too late to be a counselor there... which I was a little bummed about. But I talked to Andrew, the director, about my options and I applied and waited. I really didn't have a position that I really wanted to be in. I really just wanted to try just giving up things to God. And He's put me in a pretty daunting position. Activities Director. Woah. I'm thrilled about this but also pretty terrified. I've got a lot of responsibility this upcoming summer. I've started planning and praying and if you think about it sometime, pray for me and all those sweet little kiddos we'll be ministering to. 

That was a long paragraph. I could type for ages about Twin Lakes, but I don't want to bore you.

Anyways.

So this past week I had the immense pleasure of spending an entire day with my dear friend Hannale. Man oh man, she's a beaut. We explored and adventured and watched the sunset on a hill we climbed and biked hills and swung on a swing set and really so much more. It was mainly a day of incredibly fun fellowship. And I always love that sort of thing. 

While we were in the car somewhere, Hannale put on the song "Wild Thing". I'm sure all of you know this one. Somewhere in the song, it says "Wild Thing, I love you, but I want to know for sure." Or something along those lines. And Hannale turns to me and says, "I think this is my song. It seems like this is exactly what God is telling me. You know, something like, 'Hannale, I love you. But I want to know if you love me for sure." She uses that song to keep her on track. It encourages her to focus her time and heart on the King of Kings, instead of everything else.

That was pretty beautiful to me. Her spirit and energy encourage me every day. It's great watching my sister in Christ grow and learn.

Nextly, my mom came home today because my dad is out of town for some Navy business. It's nice spending time with her. 

I'm really excited about camp and college if you haven't noticed already. 

For spring break next week my dad is taking me to California. We're starting in the north and hiking in Big Sur and visiting one of his Navy friends in Monterey then heading down to LA to visit my favorite cousins of all time - Rick and Beth. They're incredible. They make my heart smile. I literally cannot wait to see them. They're going to show us around their studios (they're TV producers) and such. I just love them. And we're going to do all those other touristy things.

I don't really know what else to say here... I told you this post would make zero sense. Here are my cousins that I love and will see next week.

the spunky Rick

the beautiful Beth

I hope all of you have a safe and fun spring break. I really like hymns, I'll leave you with the one I'm listening to now:

        Alas! and did my Savior bleed, 
 and did my Sovereign die!
 Would he devote that sacred head 
 for sinners such as I? 

 Was it for crimes that I have done, 
 he groaned upon the tree? 
 Amazing pity! Grace unknown! 
 And love beyond degree! 

 Well might the sun in darkness hide, 
 and shut its glories in, 
 when God, the mighty maker, died 
 for his own creature's sin. 

 Thus might I hide my blushing face 
 while his dear cross appears; 
 dissolve my heart in thankfulness, 
 and melt mine eyes to tears. 

 But drops of tears can ne'er repay 
 the debt of love I owe. 
 Here, Lord, I give myself away; 
 'tis all that I can do. 

f