At 4am I awoke to a warm hand on my back. I sleepily opened my eyes and saw my roommate with earnestness in her eyes. I sat up slightly as she wrapped her arms around me. I feebly hugged her back as tightly as I could. As tightly as I could so she would feel that I meant it. She whispered that she loved me and that she'd miss me. I wasn't use to this sort of affection from her, but it was special. She grabbed her bags and left. That quick and it was over.
What a sad thing for me. As she walked out the door, all I could feel was sadness and disappointment in myself. I had an opportunity and I feel like I ruined it. My roommate was such a blessing to me. When she left there were so many unspoken words between us. They were tangible in the still morning air.
There are so many things I would have done differently concerning her if I could repeat this semester. I feel like I lost my chance. She's transferred to a different school.
It's times like these when I feel my brokenness so intensely. I'm stunned by my depravity. All I can do is lay at the foot of the cross and ask for forgiveness as I've done so many times before. Why was I so selfish with my time? Why didn't I invest in her as much as I could've? She was right there. For 4 months she was right there.
The fog surrounded me as I walked outside early this morning. The clouds hung low and pressed down on my shoulders. Everything held a grey misty heaviness. From within myself and all around I felt yearning. Yearning for something more. For the glory of God to break through and complete all His creation. Starting with me.
"We can hear creation groan
It's crying out for God
Every night when stars come out
I hear creations song
It sings, Oh Lord
We sing, Oh Lord
You are light and you are love
You are flesh and you are blood
Jehova"
