a prayer in preparation.

Thou God of my end,

Thou hast given me a fixed disposition
to go forth and spend my life for thee;
If it be thy will let me proceed in it;
if not, then revoke my intentions.
All I want in life is such circumstances
as may best enable me to serve thee in the world;
To this end I leave all my concerns in thy hand,
but let me not be discouraged,
for this hinders my spiritual fervency;
Enable me to undertake some task for thee,
for this refreshes and animates my soul,
so that I could endure all hardships and labours,
and willingly suffer for thy name.
But, O what a death it is to strive and labour,
to be always in a hurry and yet do nothing!
Alas, time flies and I am of little use.
O that I could be a flame of fire in thy service,
always burning out in one continual blaze.
Fit me for singular usefulness in this world.
Fit me to exult in distresses of every kind
if they but promote the advancement of they kingdom.
Fit me to quit all hopes of the world's friendship,
and give me a deeper sense of my sinfulness.
Fit me to accept as just desert from thee
any trial that may befall me.
Fit me to be totally resigned to the denial of pleasures I desire,
and to be content to spend my time with thee.
Fit me to pray with a sense of the joy of divine communion,
to find all times happy seasons to my soul,
to see my own nothingness,
and wonder that I am allowed to serve thee.
Fit me to enter the blessed world where no unclean thing is,
and to know thee with me always.

--------------------------
Service and equipment prayer from "The Valley of Vision".
My prayer as camp encroaches and I have 8 weeks of striving together with my brothers and sisters to spread news of the kingdom to dear, sweet little ones.


under the mercy,
palmer.

twin lakes summer camp. my home.

he cannot say "go".

Poor sinner, dejected with fear, Unbosom thy mind to the Lamb; No wrath on His brow He does wear, Nor will He poor mourners condemn; His arm of omnipotent grace

Is able and willing to save; A sweet and a permanent peace He’ll freely and faithfully give.

Come just as thou art, with thy woe, Fall down at the feet of the Lamb; He will not, He cannot say, “Go”, But surely will take out thy stain

A fountain is opened for sin, And thousands its virtues have proved He’ll take thee, and plunge thee therein, And wash thee from filth in His blood.

The soul that on Jesus relies, He’ll never, no never deceive; He freely and faithfully gives More blessings than we can conceive; Yea, down to old age He will keep, Nor will He forsake us at last;

He knows and is known by His sheep; They’re His, and He will hold them fast.

I realize I already blogged tonight. But, I think I'll just post whatever I want without any rhyme or reason. This hymn is just too good to pass up a chance to share. What a good reminder of my good Savior's faithful love. In that can I rest. 

p.s. Don't you love that incredibly full feeling after you've eaten a Chipotle burrito and 2 ice cream sandwiches? I can't think of a better feeling. I'm thankful for those 2 gems.

adventuring.

So, here's this. I'm in Nashville again, but only for a short amount of time.
I'm about to embark on quite the adventure.

Well, the adventure has begun. 2 of 4 phases of the adventure have begun. Let me recap for you.

I went to Atlanta. I spent time with my own flesh and blood sista. I got to be a big girl and work a fancy $500 plate benefit dinner. The fanciest. We picked strawberries and made way too many things strawberry-related. (pie, ice cream, etc). It was joyous.

I went to RUF Summer Conference. It was my first one ever and it was splendid. I had a really great time. Although, I'll be honest, it was good and bad. I prayed that God would convict me of my sin... and boy, did He. It was a week of struggles, but good ones. I'm learning more about myself and my patterns of sinfulness. I also faced some fears of mine associated with going to the beach. Fears known by myself as the 4 S's. Allow me to explain.

1. Sharks

Case and point. This is REAL LIFE, FOLKS.

2. Sand

Just try and tell me sand isn't terrifying in every way.
You turn your back for one minute and this happens.

3. Sunburn

This is me.

4. Swimsuits.
There's no way I'm adding a picture of this one.


Moral of the story is, I survived. And besides all that, I learned a lot about Jesus. The theme of the week was glorification. The forgotten -ification. It was amazing and greatly timed after all I've been dealing with the past few months. Good gravy. I'm looking forward to that day.

     "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son." 

Revelation 21:1-7

amen and amen, right?

Now, I'm looking forward to the rest of my adventure. I've got a week in Nashville spending time with my sweet friends that just graduated and I won't see for quite some time. They've been such incredible blessings. To name a few: Logan & Kristy, Zachary & Mary Lauren are such sweet couples. I've learned so much from them and look up to them so much. It's amazing that they count me as friends. I'm going to miss them terribly. But Chattanooga isn't too far and I'll make it up to Maryland one day soon. I'm so thankful for these incredible friends.

Besides that. I'll be planning and packing for camp and L'Abri. I leave for the Mighty Mississip' on Tuesday. Staff training at camp begins the 26th. So I've got about a week to waste. Please give me a call so we can spend some time together. There's nothing I would love more.

Lastly, Twin Lakes better get ready. A little of this is on it's way back to town.

One of my many alter-ego's during camp.
This one's name is Cowgirl Droopy-Drawers.

over life's tempestuous seas.

Wow
So.... yep. Sorry 'bout it. I haven't written in quite some time. And I cannot even begin to catch you up on everything that's happened. I'm not sure where to start.


Here's what I think. My Father, my sweet Father, tenderly cares for me. But I'll tell you something else, He definitely does what He wants. I'm thankful for it..in my best of times. I'll admit, most of the time nowadays I'm confused and struggling with everything that's happening/happened.


These past few months have been the hardest I've ever had. I don't say that for you to pity me. I just thought I'd catch you up a smidge. 
I never thought I'd be in the spot I'm in now. I never thought I would have lost sight of my identity so quickly or so completely. I've been so disappointed in myself because of that. 


I take comfort knowing that I'm being sanctified. Every single day. Even though I feel three steps behind where I was, I know I'm being pulled closer and closer to the Father, who I can claim as my own. A portion so divine.


I don't really know how to even put this into words. I'm sorry for the vagueness and inconsistency in this post. Everything is still so muddled. Come talk to me and I'd love to talk to you about the Lord's happenings in my life recently. And hopefully, you can point out even more blessings through all this business. I need someone to do that.

My God, my Father, blissful name

Oh may I call Thee mine?

May I with sweet assurance claim

A portion so divine?

This only can my fears control

And bid my sorrows fly;

What harm can ever reach my soul

Beneath my Father’s eye?

Whate’er Thy providence denies

I calmly would resign

For Thou art just, and good, and wise

O bend my will to Thine

Whate’er Thy sacred will ordains

O give me strength to bear;

And let me know my Father reigns

And trust His tender care

If pain and sickness rend this frame

And life almost depart

Is not Thy mercy still the same

To cheer my drooping hear

tIf cares and sorrows me surround

Their power why should I fear?

My inward peace they cannot wound

If Thou, my God, art near.

On a less heavy note, here's where I am:
- Not a Nursing major anymore, yet struggling to decide exactly how I want to serve for the rest of my life. Quite the decision, I have. 
- Trying to decide whether I should live on or off campus with Shannon next year. I'm torn.
- Going to L'Abri in Greatham, England for two weeks at the end of the summer. I'm traveling all by myself. I don't think I've ever been so excited. Never heard of L'Abri? Check it out here!
- Camp is so soon! I'm Activities Director again. So blessed to be able to serve my brothers and sisters and help shepherd sweet little ones. I cannot wait to be back in my territory among so many dear friends.
- I'm going to RUF Summer Conference on Monday and I'm nervous but ready.
- But first, I'm going to visit my sister and spend good time with her this weekend.
- I'm going to miss my most incredible friends from Belmont that are graduating and moving on. Kristy, Logan, Zachary, Mary Lauren, Stewart, Brent, Margaret... to name a few. They've been invaluable and I'm so honored that they count me as friends. I'm so blessed to know them.
- I'm thankful.


Those are the things that are wandering around in my head. I'm now a sophomore at Belmont and that feels so weird. Almost discomforting. I look back on my freshmen year and I hate to say it, but I feel unsatisfied. It's something I'm struggling with terribly. We can talk about it sometime. Let's just say, I would have done things differently, but my sovereign, good Shepherd thought otherwise. I have a hard time trusting, I'm going to be honest. You can pray for that. 

Jesus, Lord of life and glory,
Bend from Heav’n Thy gracious ear;
While our waiting souls adore Thee,
Friend of helpless sinners, hear

From the depth of nature’s blindness,
From the hardening power of sin,
From all malice and unkindness,
From the pride that lurks within: 

By Thy mercy, O deliver us, good Lord, good Lord. 

When temptation sorely presses, 

in the day of Satan's power, 

In our times of deep distresses, 

in each dark and trying hour,

When the world around is smiling, 

in the time of wealth and ease, 

Earthly joys our hearts beguiling, 

in the day of health and peace.

By Thy mercy, O deliver us, good Lord, good Lord.

 In the weary hours of sickness, 

in the times of grief and pain, 

When we feel our mortal weakness,

 when all human help is vain,

In the solemn hour of dying,
In the awful judgment day,
May our souls, on Thee relying,
Find Thee still our Rock and Stay: 

By Thy mercy, O deliver us, good Lord, good Lord.

amen and amen.