the heart beats in its cage.

It's time for me to surrender an idea of mine to Christ. It's obvious it's not His will, and I've been holding onto it anyway. I knew from the beginning it wasn't His will. But my dadgum sinful nature held onto it because I like to put myself in front of Christ. And now it haunts my thoughts with possibilities. I'm going to get rid of it. Rip it away quick like a bandaid. But it's going to bleed a little. Metaphorically, of course.


Thank goodness for Jesus who saves me daily from myself. His plans are always better anyway. I've just gotta hold on.
and trust.


He must become greater, I must become less. John 3:30

the infinite yes.

"In the earth I wander, but in God I dwell in a quiet habitation." 
-Charles Spurgeon


















happy monday.
love love love you all.

i'll get back to you someday soon, you'll see.

I've started writing this with absolutely no idea what to write about... So I'm going to ramble, like I usually do, but probably in a less organized fashion.


I've got this inkling that God's up to something. He's certainly got plans for me and I feel like I'm on the very brink of them. I feel like any moment he's going to push me over the edge into this scary, great new... I can't think of the word.... abyss thing. I just know something different is on the way. I see Him blessing me in so many new ways and I can't keep up! His mercies truly are new everyday, in case you were wondering. 


As I approach my last 18 days of high school, it's my duty to look back. What I see most of all is... well... I'll describe it. Imagine a puzzle. And there's just one piece missing. And you've got just one piece left in your hand. But it's the wrong piece. It goes to a completely different puzzle. So you try to push it and squeeze it and stretch it to make it fit.... but alas. It was never supposed to fit anyway. I think I'm that awkward puzzle piece. At JA, I've never been happy. Don't get me wrong, JA is a good school and all, I guess, but I just never fit in. When I look back at my years at JA and all I can think about is the groups of friends I was trying to fit into. All that pushing and squeezing and stretching to fit into someone else's group was exhausting. And it lead to many tears and broken hearts. So now, I'm excited to get into Belmont. The people I've already met there I can tell are going to be my great friends forever. I spent very few hours with a couple of Belmontites and something just clicked immediately. I felt at home. And that's really not a feeling I experience often. I just had something to say all the time. And we talked and talked and talked. We shared so many similarities. I fully believe in this CS Lewis quote, 

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one”

Those moments happened often. And they were beautiful. I thank God for those a lot.


And I realized that every plan I make, despite my incredibly good intentions, is torn to pieces in the midst of God's plans. I'm learning to trust! And it's fun! But also, really hard!


I really could keep going. I still want to talk about all the new friends that great God has brought to me recently. But I'm driving (all by myself!) to Atlanta tomorrow, so I should probably hit the hay.


love you guys.
take it easy.

p.s. dadgum Joseph Craven got me obsessed with this song. enjoy.

i'm as old as the mountains.

let this brighten your day.


thinking of you,
mpd.