strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.

I think God's sovereignty and providence is kind of crazy, but also really convenient. If you've been keeping up with the going-ons in my life then you know I've been thrown a few curveballs. And most of the time lately I've just been focusing on those curveballs and their effects instead of..... well. I'll get to that. 


So, my mom moved to Nashville today (all my Nashville friends give her a shout out if you happen to run into her. unlikely, but you never know). And even though this past weekend I felt like I was on the verge of tears most of the time.. I was also strangely provided for with things to distract me and give me hope. And it took me until now to realize it. 


FOR INSTANCE
on Friday night I got to spend the evening watching movies and eating and fellowshipping with some of my favorite people. Even though they don't know this, I really look up to them a whole lot. Theresa, Matthew, Helen, Aubrey... man... they're all winners. We had a blast. 


Friday afternoon, after much prayer and consideration, I applied to work at Twin Lakes summer camp for my 3rd summer in a row. I'm SO EXCITED. I won't get a be a counselor, which I'm a little bummed about, but I still get to minister to the kids and the other staff! I don't know my position just yet... Andrew, Zack, and Tuan are still thinking. And that's just fine! I'm just so anxious and excited and I just want to go now. Right. Now.


Today, even though this school week is going to be probably the most busy of my entire life, my dear friend Hannale surprised me at lunch today! She graduated from JA 2 years ago when I was a sophomore and then kind of became a lost soul... there was some bad stuff involved and then she went to the Honor Academy in Texas and she wasn't allowed to have her phone so we lost touch. It was so sad for me. And then she surprised me today and told me alllllll about her life and how God's just taken ahold of her life and turned her right around on the spot. I was overjoyed! She visited with and even apologized to a few of her old teachers today. Hahaha... that Hannale.. such a little ray of sunshine. But now she's back and we can be best friends all over again. And I've gained a sister in Christ! How exciting!! 

this was from way back in the day. Hannale put this picture on facebook and wrote as the comment on it: "are you my mother?" I've no idea why. but I think it's funny.

Sunday morning I heard this killer sermon from the trusty Pastor Mike. I just love that man. He talked about loss seeing as we lost a member of our church this past week. Our dear brother, Michael Barranco, left to join the glory of the Lord on Tuesday night after a dreadful car crash leaving a wife and 4 kids. He was a great man with a wonderful voice. Pastor Mike spoke on this passage from Lamentations about Gods love and faithfulness:



Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
  My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
  But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
  they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
  “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
  It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
 (Lamentations 3:19-26 ESV)


WOW. I love that passage. It's so true. His mercies are new every morning! Just like I've found out through my own personal troubles and such. But look! He really has supplied new mercies each day! He's bringing me back to Twin Lakes, he's given me great fellowship with great role models, and he's brought Hannale back into my life. But like Pastor Mike was saying... the Lord is my portion, my hope, and the one I'll be waiting for.

till the sun turns black.

Thanotophobia: the fear of death.


I hear this term sometimes in my psychology class. Apparently, this fear (and the fear of spiders, understandably, they're so scary) is one of the top fears of most people. If not the most feared. Lots of people think of lots of ways to run away from death. I'm sure you can think of some examples.


Great news, though. I have a savior that conquered death. He stared it right in the face.
And won.


This means something real good for me. Reeaalllll good.


---more on that some other time.

"You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; he is not here."

melodrama and obedience.

Hey man.


It's been a while... I forget this blog exists sometimes. I've been real busy, you see, so that should account for my absence.


I've got some things bothering me these past few weeks. Just some things that have been weighing my little heart down. Does that ever happen to you? When your heart just feels literally heavy? It happens to me a lot.


Excuse me if this posts seems like a sob story. Sometimes I just need to write down what's going on. And then maybe, you guys can give me some sort of encouragement. If you want. No pressure.


Well, I guess I'll get started.
I could be dramatic and say that I'm being abandoned. But I'm totally not. There are reasons for my mom moving to Nashville right now. Good reasons. Oh yeah, just in case you didn't know, my parents are divorced. I live with both my mom and dad. I switch houses every 4 days or so. Anyways, as I was saying, my moms moving to Nashville because her parents are sick and they need her and she got a job there already and she's just dadgum ready to get out of Jackson and start a new life. And all that's fine, really it is. But sometimes when I'm feeling selfish it's not fine. I don't want my mom to leave in a few weeks.. She is still my mom, you know. My own flesh and blood. I don't like being away from her from extensive amounts of time. Is that reasonable? She says she'll be back every other week. That seems like too long.


She also thinks I'm moving to Nashville with her once I graduate. I haven't broken the news to her yet that I'll be staying around here. And here's my reason why:
I'll be going to be at school in Nashville next year, and that's far away from my dad. And I love him a lot. So don't you think it's fair to stay here for a little longer to spend time with dear old dad? I'd like to stick around to give Jackson one last run for its money. One last time to soak up all it has to offer before I'm gone for good and officially move my residence to TN. (and I figured I'd go ahead and do that because I'll be in school there, and we can get more scholarships for Belmont if I say I'm from TN. got me?)


You see how this is weighing me down?


Nextly. My dad's in the navy, if you didn't know. He's a lieutenant commander. And in October, he'll probably be going to Pakistan for a year. Pakistan isn't for sure just yet, but he'll definitely be gone for a year. And I'm not too cool with that. For obvious reasons.
It'd be a stretch to say that I feel abandoned. I really don't... because I understand it's his job and he has to do it. And I mean, he'll be safe... right? There's always uncertainty with the middle east, you know. It just makes me antsy.


Now, do you see how this is weighing me down?


Time is moving slowly again. 


Obedience is a funny thing. And hope/trust/wait... I think they're all the same in this context. 
I struggle with dying to myself.
and throwing out sinful desires.
and choosing spirit or flesh on a daily basis.


I mean, there are also desires that are honorable.
But.. even my best desires must be surrendered.
At this point, all that really matters is surrendered and not surrendered.
Even in my best of plans with my best intentions.. if I haven't surrendered it, I'm still making it about myself.
Obedience is the idea of a surrendered life versus a narcissistic one.


God is good. I know this to be true.


Moving on to a little less depressing:


I'm majoring in nursing at Belmont next year. This is a new decision of mine. I once read this thing in a book called "Gentlemen of the Road" by Michael Chabon.. and it kind of turned my whole thinking upside down. Here goes so get ready:
"...that apart from the Torah the only subject truly worthy of study is the science of saving men's lives."
That struck a chord with me.


I've gotten to babysit a lot of kids this week and it's been incredible. I've had the time of my life. I won't deny though... I'm pooped. I'm just burnt out. I'm about to crawl in my bed and probably not get out until it's time to worship on this upcoming Sabbath. 



Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
  yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
  GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places.
habakkuk 3:17-19.

I know this is a random picture... but I think it's cool. It's some scientists taking readings in the Artic Ocean. These scientists are my idea of superhero's.
Groovy, right?