Sometimes I just want to escape to the moon.

Why the moon? Because as I watched it tonight, it slowly got higher and higher into the darkening sky. And sometimes I just want to be up there with it.


Today was confusing.
And crazy.
And unfortunate.
And embarrassing.


What have I gotten myself into this time? On days like these I just want to curse the skies and make a huge scene and blame it on someone else. 


I just want to go back in time 2 years. 2 years sounds like a good time. I want to go back to that summer where I met this awesome friend who was actually more of a mentor and role model than friend. It made me simpler. 
And I like simpler.


Or I could go back in time to this summer and relax and get into a little trouble with my friends. That sounds nice, too. 


I'm going to Belmont next fall. But I'm nervous... I don't want to leave. For probably the first time ever, I thoroughly enjoy and appreciate my family. Before now, my pride and arrogance and pretentiousness got in the way. But now that I realize I'm leaving, I'm seeing them as real people, not as people who ruin things. And I just love them to death. Now, I'm not saying they don't have their faults. They're liars and cheaters and overly affectionate and not affectionate enough and push too hard and give up too much BUT.
They've taught me to accept. To forgive. To struggle. To get through. To love.


And now that I've finally realized all this, I only have a short amount of time before I have to leave!? And leave for good! Never again will I be under their roof like this. Where I can wake them up in the middle of the night and cry. Where I can find them just to talk. Where I can find them for a hug. For anything. 
I feel like I've wasted so much time.


I feel like running backwards. Or right on up to the moon to escape for a little while and get my head on straight.

Whether things are happy or life is hard, there is SUCH divine beauty all around. And I suppose, in a matter of speaking, the trick is to see it. But that's another story.

Provided for with everything I need, and also want.

A whole LOT has been going on in my life recently. I will elaborate on each subject more at some point since this is just a quick update on everything.

1stly: for those of you that haven't heard, I was accepted to my school of choice: Belmont University in Nashville. I cannot tell you how excited I am. I've wanted to go for so long now and was interested to see where God would be leading me. And he's leading me right out of Jackson into the great blissful city life of Nashville. Nervous excitement takes over. 

2ndly: Stared a band that I hope will play at JA's halloween carnival. Something inside me says it won't happen... and if it doesn't, all this work will be for nothing. Which is sad.. But Jason Bruce is super sweet and facilitating me with everything. He's teaching me guitar and picking songs and arranging and writing and synthesizing and putting up with my singing and everything. He's great, and so so so much fun to work with. I hope all this works out..

3rdly: Now that I'm in college, I want to get there. School is dreary and miserable. I don't like much of it at all, but it's just something I have to get through. I feel more and more ready to take care of myself and make my own decisions. In the meantime, I'm spending much of my down-time looking up stuff for my dorm room. This is definitely the fun part.

4thly: Celtic Fest! my favorite weekend of the whole year. I got to see Teada tonight (international Irish supergroup) and they were incredible. They signed my arm with "to mary, with love, Teada" I'm never washing my arm again. Ok, never mind. I experienced my first Irish ceili tonight and had so much fun. I was alone (friends weren't cool and left early, lame) so it was kind of uncomfortable for me.. but some guys still asked me to dance (which I never EVER do) thankfully and I had an incredibly fun time. I wish we had ceili's more than once a year!

I'm awful at this blog thing, I hope I get more savvy, soon. 

until later,

love love love and a hearty "Go Bruins!"

RAHH

     It's time, guys. It really is. It's time for me to go to college. Every day at school is full of frustration. I feel like no one at JA is actually real. I need real people. I need people I don't know. I need community with people like me. 
     And things are just so darn complicated lately.. I think, after 17 1/2 long topsy turvy years I've finally realized: life is just downright difficult sometimes.
I'm sorry, really I am.
I just needed to vent a little.
I will rejoice in the Lord. God is good. I'm getting there.