miles to go.

At 4am I awoke to a warm hand on my back. I sleepily opened my eyes and saw my roommate with earnestness in her eyes. I sat up slightly as she wrapped her arms around me. I feebly hugged her back as tightly as I could. As tightly as I could so she would feel that I meant it. She whispered that she loved me and that she'd miss me. I wasn't use to this sort of affection from her, but it was special. She grabbed her bags and left. That quick and it was over.


What a sad thing for me. As she walked out the door, all I could feel was sadness and disappointment in myself. I had an opportunity and I feel like I ruined it. My roommate was such a blessing to me. When she left there were so many unspoken words between us. They were tangible in the still morning air. 


There are so many things I would have done differently concerning her if I could repeat this semester. I feel like I lost my chance. She's transferred to a different school. 


It's times like these when I feel my brokenness so intensely. I'm stunned by my depravity. All I can do is lay at the foot of the cross and ask for forgiveness as I've done so many times before. Why was I so selfish with my time? Why didn't I invest in her as much as I could've? She was right there. For 4 months she was right there.


The fog surrounded me as I walked outside early this morning. The clouds hung low and pressed down on my shoulders. Everything held a grey misty heaviness. From within myself and all around I felt yearning. Yearning for something more. For the glory of God to break through and complete all His creation. Starting with me.




"We can hear creation groan
It's crying out for God
Every night when stars come out
I hear creations song
It sings, Oh Lord
We sing, Oh Lord
You are light and you are love
You are flesh and you are blood

Jehova"

crooked still

"Oh when shall I see Jesus and reign with Him above
and from the flowing fountain drink everlasting love

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
and I'd praise God in His bright abode

Whene'er you meet with troubles and trials on your way
cast all your cares on Jesus and don't forget to pray

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
and I'd praise God in His bright abode

Gird on the gospel, armor of faith and hope and love
and when the combat's ended He'll carry you above

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
and I'd praise god in His bright abode

Oh, do not be discouraged for Jesus is your friend
and if you lack for knowledge He'll not refuse to lend

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
and I'd praise God in His bright abode"


-Crooked Still's "Ecstasy". Really, you should listen to it. It'll make ya smile.

prayers

my prayer this morning:


"I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;
     I will sing praise to my God while I have being.
May my meditation be pleasing to him,
     for I rejoice in the Lord."
psalm 104:33-34


"and when my time is used and done
when I see that final settin' sun
I'll leave everything I've ever known
and that house above, it will be my home."
marc scibillia 




have the best day everyone.

and live alone by mercy.

it's amazing what a batch of warm chocolate chip cookies and a good dose of prayer with new friends can do for a heavy heart.


God is so good.

"From depths of woe I raise to Thee
The voice of lamentation;
Lord, turn a gracious ear to me
And hear my supplication;
If Thou iniquities dost mark,
Our secret sins and misdeeds dark,
O who shall stand before Thee?

To wash away the crimson stain,
Grace, grace alone availeth;
Our works, alas! are all in vain;
In much the best life faileth:
No man can glory in Thy sight,
All must alike confess Thy might,
And live alone by mercy.

Therefore my trust is in the Lord,
And not in mine own merit;
On Him my soul shall rest, His Word
Upholds my fainting spirit:
His promised mercy is my fort,
My comfort, and my sweet support;
I wait for it with patience.

What though I wait the livelong night,
And till the dawn appeareth,
My heart still trusteth in His might;
It doubteth not nor feareth:
Do thus, O ye of Israel’s seed,
Ye of the Spirit born indeed;
And wait till God appeareth.

Though great our sins and sore our woes,
His grace much more aboundeth;
His helping love no limit knows,
Our utmost need it soundeth.
Our Shepherd good and true is He,
Who will at last His Israel free.
From all their sin and sorrow."

one big slumber party.

College really is just one big slumber party that never ever ends. That's the best description I can come up with for this place. Would you like to see what my college-self looks like?
Here you go:

this is my college-self. don't I look all grown?

I really do like it here. It's real nice. And people like me here! Crazy, huh?


So tonight, me and Anneke just left a jam session because we were sleepy and didn't feel too good and while we were in the lobby of Maple (our dorm) someone said "Waffle House" and on a whim, Anneke and I jumped in my car and headed to Waffle House. Not exactly sure what to expect, we just knew that we were hungry. Once we got there (by the way, it's a tragedy that there isn't a Waffle House close to Belmont) we ordered. Identically. Water, hashbrowns, and a chocolate chip waffle. There weren't many people in this Waffle House, which was nice-ish. AND THEN. Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" came on the juke box and what do we do? But of course, we grab our spoons and start belting it out at the top of our lungs. Glorious. Right? We didn't hold back. Once we got to the end of the song, all of Waffle House exploded in applause. We were speechless! AND THEN. A man gets up to pay and says, "hey, don't worry about your meal. I'm covering it because you made me happy" CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?  The man paid for both of our meals! Tip and all! What a classy guy! He was so so so kind to us! AND THEN. We decide to put one more song on the juke, none other than "Mr. Postman", the old mo-town song. We did not sing or even sit this time, but rather, we got up and were dancing old 60s and 70s dance moves all around the Waffle House. We brought back some classic dance moves. AND THEN. We got back in my car and listened to Ben Folds all the way home to Belmont too loudly. 


I don't think I can come up with a better night to end a great day. Did I mention I rode 8 miles on my bike today? It was great. And so were my pals that came with me. We had a blast. Everything about today was spectacular. Except for now, when I'm about to try to write a paper. Wait.. well.. no. I don't really want to. I probably won't. I think I'll just hang around. 


That was today. And it was great. Just one big slumber party all the time.
Thank you, Jesus, for blessing me so so so much. 




And how was your day?

there will be noise, there will be glad.

Fall.... Mm hmm. It's here. Whether it technically is or not. It's here in Nashville. It has arrived. There's no way to deny it. I feel it in every squish of my rain boots... I see it on the face of every slow moving hooded student... I watch it fly and dissipate in men's cigar smoke.. And I definitely taste it in this cinnamon,vanilla, mocha thing from Bongo Java - just a hop skip and a jump from my school of choice. Belmont. And Belmont was a good idea, guys.

I'm sitting here reading CS Lewis, thinking about fall, and feeling very content. There seems to be something very poetic about today - my self proclaimed start of fall. I could tell you more about that, but I think I'll show you what good ole Clive Staples just said:

"all our merely natural activities will be accepted, if they are offered to God, even the humblest, and all of them, even the noblest, will be sinful if they are not. Christianity does not simply replace our natural life and substitute a new one; it is rather a new organization which exploits, to its own supernatural ends, these natural materials."

YEAH. Happy Fall, pals. How was your day?

i have to tell you something right now.

I've met some incredible people here at the Mont. Like this one whom I will now tell you a story about:

She just told me that she loved a boy and she told him. And he didn't reciprocate. Because he loved someone else. And then she helped him with loving this other person who was her good friend. And it made her love him more, but she doesn't even feel bad about it. She says she likes getting to help him love someone else even though he doesn't love her. She says that Jesus did that for her. She says it's like a massage train.