fire and rain.

I haven't written anything in a long time. And it's not because I don't know what to write. I've got novels waiting to be written in this head of mine. It's just because I have no time to write. And still don't. But I just wanted to say something. ANYTHING, rather, to make sure you didn't forget about me.


Twin Lakes is great. Really great. I love every second of it. I love being activities director. And I love every single staff member. I'm blown away by their hearts for God. I learn so much from them daily.


Being home makes me miss certain things. Or people, actually. Once I leave Twin Lakes and I'm back at home I start thinking thinking thinking about people from JA that I'll probably never see again. And I get sad.


But then I think about Twin Lakes and I'm happy again. What a fickle heart.


And now! LAUNDRY.


p.s. my Belmont room assignment is Maple Hall room 414 with Caty Cowsert and she's incredible. I love her a whole lot. Holla! 

the heart beats in its cage.

It's time for me to surrender an idea of mine to Christ. It's obvious it's not His will, and I've been holding onto it anyway. I knew from the beginning it wasn't His will. But my dadgum sinful nature held onto it because I like to put myself in front of Christ. And now it haunts my thoughts with possibilities. I'm going to get rid of it. Rip it away quick like a bandaid. But it's going to bleed a little. Metaphorically, of course.


Thank goodness for Jesus who saves me daily from myself. His plans are always better anyway. I've just gotta hold on.
and trust.


He must become greater, I must become less. John 3:30

the infinite yes.

"In the earth I wander, but in God I dwell in a quiet habitation." 
-Charles Spurgeon


















happy monday.
love love love you all.

i'll get back to you someday soon, you'll see.

I've started writing this with absolutely no idea what to write about... So I'm going to ramble, like I usually do, but probably in a less organized fashion.


I've got this inkling that God's up to something. He's certainly got plans for me and I feel like I'm on the very brink of them. I feel like any moment he's going to push me over the edge into this scary, great new... I can't think of the word.... abyss thing. I just know something different is on the way. I see Him blessing me in so many new ways and I can't keep up! His mercies truly are new everyday, in case you were wondering. 


As I approach my last 18 days of high school, it's my duty to look back. What I see most of all is... well... I'll describe it. Imagine a puzzle. And there's just one piece missing. And you've got just one piece left in your hand. But it's the wrong piece. It goes to a completely different puzzle. So you try to push it and squeeze it and stretch it to make it fit.... but alas. It was never supposed to fit anyway. I think I'm that awkward puzzle piece. At JA, I've never been happy. Don't get me wrong, JA is a good school and all, I guess, but I just never fit in. When I look back at my years at JA and all I can think about is the groups of friends I was trying to fit into. All that pushing and squeezing and stretching to fit into someone else's group was exhausting. And it lead to many tears and broken hearts. So now, I'm excited to get into Belmont. The people I've already met there I can tell are going to be my great friends forever. I spent very few hours with a couple of Belmontites and something just clicked immediately. I felt at home. And that's really not a feeling I experience often. I just had something to say all the time. And we talked and talked and talked. We shared so many similarities. I fully believe in this CS Lewis quote, 

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one”

Those moments happened often. And they were beautiful. I thank God for those a lot.


And I realized that every plan I make, despite my incredibly good intentions, is torn to pieces in the midst of God's plans. I'm learning to trust! And it's fun! But also, really hard!


I really could keep going. I still want to talk about all the new friends that great God has brought to me recently. But I'm driving (all by myself!) to Atlanta tomorrow, so I should probably hit the hay.


love you guys.
take it easy.

p.s. dadgum Joseph Craven got me obsessed with this song. enjoy.

i'm as old as the mountains.

let this brighten your day.


thinking of you,
mpd.

through cloud and sunshine.

I love/hate the ways God chooses to show me my sin and my need for Him but boy, do I need the reminder. He always does it so completely and then I'm left standing in awe of His love and mercy and faithfulness. I don't know why He would choose a fickle sinner such as me, but I'm glad He did.


I caught myself falling into sin again. And then He tore me right from the midst of it. He lent me His strength. I literally felt His strength wash over me. He saves me from my sin every day, no matter how many times I turn my back on Him. Tonight, this is my prayer: 

1. Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
   The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide;
   When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
   Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

1. I need Thy presence every passing hour;
   What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s pow’r?
   Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
   Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.
2. I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
   Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness;
   Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
   I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.
3. Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
   Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies;
   Heav’n’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
   In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

today.

You know how my posts are always really long? I'm hoping this is a short one. I just need to vent a little bit.

OH MY GOOD GOLLY GRACIOUS. I'm so frustrated. I've been trying to find a roommate for next year and this is just killing me. Every time I find one and we talk a for awhile and I think, "yep, this could work" I bring up rooming together and they say "whoops, sorry. already got one." RAHHHH


Maybe I really am just supposed to go potluck for next year.. I'm getting exhausted with all this searching. I'm just about to give up. Actually, I think I will. I'm just so tired of this endless searching. You know what, I talked about this before. You know.. leaving things in God's hands instead of my own? Sigh. I guess I'll give up. Man, giving up is hard. 


If you ever catch me looking for a roommate again, stop me. Seriously.

Besides all that,
I got to see my good pals Schaeffer and Molly today!! They literally drove 3 hours just to have lunch with me. How great are they, right? I had a blast. It's so refreshing to hang out with them. They're like a tall glass of water. Schaeffer worked with me last summer at Riflery & Archery and we became close pals. I even persuaded him to ride a horse for the first time. And we went to Sonic every Thursday. And Molly is his INCREDIBLE girlfriend who also worked at TL but at Waterfront/Pool. She's so cool.

This is the first picture I took of me and Schaeffer. It was on the first day I met him. He had come up to me that day in the dining hall when I showed up to staff training week 2 days later than everyone else and said, "Hey! I'm Schaeffer. I'm working with you. I keep hearing how cool you are." We were best friends right then. It was destiny.

Schaeffer was probably dealing with some out of line children. Or Sharkbait. Same thing.
(just kidding, Sharkbait. We love you.)

Speaking of Sharkbait, there he is.... being his usual Sharkbait self. You'd never believe it, but this guy shot a salamander right in half with a bow and arrow once. True story. We got in a lot of trouble for that... but it was so worth it.

Nextly, if you haven't yet, please pray for everything happening in Japan. The Lavallee's are over there.. and so is Sonny Sweatt. Pray for safety. And mercy. Definitely mercy. 1000 are confirmed dead and 10,000 still missing. Please, please keep praying.

I leave for California tomorrow. I'll be studying for the Anatomy & Physiology ABC test all the way there. I don't know why Mr. McCartney picked me to take it.. I bet he did because he knew I'd freak out about it. And I sure am.

Please be safe on spring break, folks. You guys are in my prayers.     
(was that a short post? NO. Fail, again).

   O to grace how great a debtor 
 daily I'm constrained to be! 
 Let thy goodness, like a fetter, 
 bind my wandering heart to thee. 
 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
 prone to leave the God I love; 
 here's my heart, O take and seal it, 
 seal it for thy courts above.