adventuring.

So, here's this. I'm in Nashville again, but only for a short amount of time.
I'm about to embark on quite the adventure.

Well, the adventure has begun. 2 of 4 phases of the adventure have begun. Let me recap for you.

I went to Atlanta. I spent time with my own flesh and blood sista. I got to be a big girl and work a fancy $500 plate benefit dinner. The fanciest. We picked strawberries and made way too many things strawberry-related. (pie, ice cream, etc). It was joyous.

I went to RUF Summer Conference. It was my first one ever and it was splendid. I had a really great time. Although, I'll be honest, it was good and bad. I prayed that God would convict me of my sin... and boy, did He. It was a week of struggles, but good ones. I'm learning more about myself and my patterns of sinfulness. I also faced some fears of mine associated with going to the beach. Fears known by myself as the 4 S's. Allow me to explain.

1. Sharks

Case and point. This is REAL LIFE, FOLKS.

2. Sand

Just try and tell me sand isn't terrifying in every way.
You turn your back for one minute and this happens.

3. Sunburn

This is me.

4. Swimsuits.
There's no way I'm adding a picture of this one.


Moral of the story is, I survived. And besides all that, I learned a lot about Jesus. The theme of the week was glorification. The forgotten -ification. It was amazing and greatly timed after all I've been dealing with the past few months. Good gravy. I'm looking forward to that day.

     "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son." 

Revelation 21:1-7

amen and amen, right?

Now, I'm looking forward to the rest of my adventure. I've got a week in Nashville spending time with my sweet friends that just graduated and I won't see for quite some time. They've been such incredible blessings. To name a few: Logan & Kristy, Zachary & Mary Lauren are such sweet couples. I've learned so much from them and look up to them so much. It's amazing that they count me as friends. I'm going to miss them terribly. But Chattanooga isn't too far and I'll make it up to Maryland one day soon. I'm so thankful for these incredible friends.

Besides that. I'll be planning and packing for camp and L'Abri. I leave for the Mighty Mississip' on Tuesday. Staff training at camp begins the 26th. So I've got about a week to waste. Please give me a call so we can spend some time together. There's nothing I would love more.

Lastly, Twin Lakes better get ready. A little of this is on it's way back to town.

One of my many alter-ego's during camp.
This one's name is Cowgirl Droopy-Drawers.

over life's tempestuous seas.

Wow
So.... yep. Sorry 'bout it. I haven't written in quite some time. And I cannot even begin to catch you up on everything that's happened. I'm not sure where to start.


Here's what I think. My Father, my sweet Father, tenderly cares for me. But I'll tell you something else, He definitely does what He wants. I'm thankful for it..in my best of times. I'll admit, most of the time nowadays I'm confused and struggling with everything that's happening/happened.


These past few months have been the hardest I've ever had. I don't say that for you to pity me. I just thought I'd catch you up a smidge. 
I never thought I'd be in the spot I'm in now. I never thought I would have lost sight of my identity so quickly or so completely. I've been so disappointed in myself because of that. 


I take comfort knowing that I'm being sanctified. Every single day. Even though I feel three steps behind where I was, I know I'm being pulled closer and closer to the Father, who I can claim as my own. A portion so divine.


I don't really know how to even put this into words. I'm sorry for the vagueness and inconsistency in this post. Everything is still so muddled. Come talk to me and I'd love to talk to you about the Lord's happenings in my life recently. And hopefully, you can point out even more blessings through all this business. I need someone to do that.

My God, my Father, blissful name

Oh may I call Thee mine?

May I with sweet assurance claim

A portion so divine?

This only can my fears control

And bid my sorrows fly;

What harm can ever reach my soul

Beneath my Father’s eye?

Whate’er Thy providence denies

I calmly would resign

For Thou art just, and good, and wise

O bend my will to Thine

Whate’er Thy sacred will ordains

O give me strength to bear;

And let me know my Father reigns

And trust His tender care

If pain and sickness rend this frame

And life almost depart

Is not Thy mercy still the same

To cheer my drooping hear

tIf cares and sorrows me surround

Their power why should I fear?

My inward peace they cannot wound

If Thou, my God, art near.

On a less heavy note, here's where I am:
- Not a Nursing major anymore, yet struggling to decide exactly how I want to serve for the rest of my life. Quite the decision, I have. 
- Trying to decide whether I should live on or off campus with Shannon next year. I'm torn.
- Going to L'Abri in Greatham, England for two weeks at the end of the summer. I'm traveling all by myself. I don't think I've ever been so excited. Never heard of L'Abri? Check it out here!
- Camp is so soon! I'm Activities Director again. So blessed to be able to serve my brothers and sisters and help shepherd sweet little ones. I cannot wait to be back in my territory among so many dear friends.
- I'm going to RUF Summer Conference on Monday and I'm nervous but ready.
- But first, I'm going to visit my sister and spend good time with her this weekend.
- I'm going to miss my most incredible friends from Belmont that are graduating and moving on. Kristy, Logan, Zachary, Mary Lauren, Stewart, Brent, Margaret... to name a few. They've been invaluable and I'm so honored that they count me as friends. I'm so blessed to know them.
- I'm thankful.


Those are the things that are wandering around in my head. I'm now a sophomore at Belmont and that feels so weird. Almost discomforting. I look back on my freshmen year and I hate to say it, but I feel unsatisfied. It's something I'm struggling with terribly. We can talk about it sometime. Let's just say, I would have done things differently, but my sovereign, good Shepherd thought otherwise. I have a hard time trusting, I'm going to be honest. You can pray for that. 

Jesus, Lord of life and glory,
Bend from Heav’n Thy gracious ear;
While our waiting souls adore Thee,
Friend of helpless sinners, hear

From the depth of nature’s blindness,
From the hardening power of sin,
From all malice and unkindness,
From the pride that lurks within: 

By Thy mercy, O deliver us, good Lord, good Lord. 

When temptation sorely presses, 

in the day of Satan's power, 

In our times of deep distresses, 

in each dark and trying hour,

When the world around is smiling, 

in the time of wealth and ease, 

Earthly joys our hearts beguiling, 

in the day of health and peace.

By Thy mercy, O deliver us, good Lord, good Lord.

 In the weary hours of sickness, 

in the times of grief and pain, 

When we feel our mortal weakness,

 when all human help is vain,

In the solemn hour of dying,
In the awful judgment day,
May our souls, on Thee relying,
Find Thee still our Rock and Stay: 

By Thy mercy, O deliver us, good Lord, good Lord.

amen and amen.

miles to go.

At 4am I awoke to a warm hand on my back. I sleepily opened my eyes and saw my roommate with earnestness in her eyes. I sat up slightly as she wrapped her arms around me. I feebly hugged her back as tightly as I could. As tightly as I could so she would feel that I meant it. She whispered that she loved me and that she'd miss me. I wasn't use to this sort of affection from her, but it was special. She grabbed her bags and left. That quick and it was over.


What a sad thing for me. As she walked out the door, all I could feel was sadness and disappointment in myself. I had an opportunity and I feel like I ruined it. My roommate was such a blessing to me. When she left there were so many unspoken words between us. They were tangible in the still morning air. 


There are so many things I would have done differently concerning her if I could repeat this semester. I feel like I lost my chance. She's transferred to a different school. 


It's times like these when I feel my brokenness so intensely. I'm stunned by my depravity. All I can do is lay at the foot of the cross and ask for forgiveness as I've done so many times before. Why was I so selfish with my time? Why didn't I invest in her as much as I could've? She was right there. For 4 months she was right there.


The fog surrounded me as I walked outside early this morning. The clouds hung low and pressed down on my shoulders. Everything held a grey misty heaviness. From within myself and all around I felt yearning. Yearning for something more. For the glory of God to break through and complete all His creation. Starting with me.




"We can hear creation groan
It's crying out for God
Every night when stars come out
I hear creations song
It sings, Oh Lord
We sing, Oh Lord
You are light and you are love
You are flesh and you are blood

Jehova"

crooked still

"Oh when shall I see Jesus and reign with Him above
and from the flowing fountain drink everlasting love

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
and I'd praise God in His bright abode

Whene'er you meet with troubles and trials on your way
cast all your cares on Jesus and don't forget to pray

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
and I'd praise God in His bright abode

Gird on the gospel, armor of faith and hope and love
and when the combat's ended He'll carry you above

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
and I'd praise god in His bright abode

Oh, do not be discouraged for Jesus is your friend
and if you lack for knowledge He'll not refuse to lend

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
and I'd praise God in His bright abode"


-Crooked Still's "Ecstasy". Really, you should listen to it. It'll make ya smile.

prayers

my prayer this morning:


"I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;
     I will sing praise to my God while I have being.
May my meditation be pleasing to him,
     for I rejoice in the Lord."
psalm 104:33-34


"and when my time is used and done
when I see that final settin' sun
I'll leave everything I've ever known
and that house above, it will be my home."
marc scibillia 




have the best day everyone.

and live alone by mercy.

it's amazing what a batch of warm chocolate chip cookies and a good dose of prayer with new friends can do for a heavy heart.


God is so good.

"From depths of woe I raise to Thee
The voice of lamentation;
Lord, turn a gracious ear to me
And hear my supplication;
If Thou iniquities dost mark,
Our secret sins and misdeeds dark,
O who shall stand before Thee?

To wash away the crimson stain,
Grace, grace alone availeth;
Our works, alas! are all in vain;
In much the best life faileth:
No man can glory in Thy sight,
All must alike confess Thy might,
And live alone by mercy.

Therefore my trust is in the Lord,
And not in mine own merit;
On Him my soul shall rest, His Word
Upholds my fainting spirit:
His promised mercy is my fort,
My comfort, and my sweet support;
I wait for it with patience.

What though I wait the livelong night,
And till the dawn appeareth,
My heart still trusteth in His might;
It doubteth not nor feareth:
Do thus, O ye of Israel’s seed,
Ye of the Spirit born indeed;
And wait till God appeareth.

Though great our sins and sore our woes,
His grace much more aboundeth;
His helping love no limit knows,
Our utmost need it soundeth.
Our Shepherd good and true is He,
Who will at last His Israel free.
From all their sin and sorrow."

one big slumber party.

College really is just one big slumber party that never ever ends. That's the best description I can come up with for this place. Would you like to see what my college-self looks like?
Here you go:

this is my college-self. don't I look all grown?

I really do like it here. It's real nice. And people like me here! Crazy, huh?


So tonight, me and Anneke just left a jam session because we were sleepy and didn't feel too good and while we were in the lobby of Maple (our dorm) someone said "Waffle House" and on a whim, Anneke and I jumped in my car and headed to Waffle House. Not exactly sure what to expect, we just knew that we were hungry. Once we got there (by the way, it's a tragedy that there isn't a Waffle House close to Belmont) we ordered. Identically. Water, hashbrowns, and a chocolate chip waffle. There weren't many people in this Waffle House, which was nice-ish. AND THEN. Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" came on the juke box and what do we do? But of course, we grab our spoons and start belting it out at the top of our lungs. Glorious. Right? We didn't hold back. Once we got to the end of the song, all of Waffle House exploded in applause. We were speechless! AND THEN. A man gets up to pay and says, "hey, don't worry about your meal. I'm covering it because you made me happy" CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?  The man paid for both of our meals! Tip and all! What a classy guy! He was so so so kind to us! AND THEN. We decide to put one more song on the juke, none other than "Mr. Postman", the old mo-town song. We did not sing or even sit this time, but rather, we got up and were dancing old 60s and 70s dance moves all around the Waffle House. We brought back some classic dance moves. AND THEN. We got back in my car and listened to Ben Folds all the way home to Belmont too loudly. 


I don't think I can come up with a better night to end a great day. Did I mention I rode 8 miles on my bike today? It was great. And so were my pals that came with me. We had a blast. Everything about today was spectacular. Except for now, when I'm about to try to write a paper. Wait.. well.. no. I don't really want to. I probably won't. I think I'll just hang around. 


That was today. And it was great. Just one big slumber party all the time.
Thank you, Jesus, for blessing me so so so much. 




And how was your day?